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[otiosity]

You've reached Hawke! Leave a message on this thing that I don't even remotely understand and I'll fumble my way to figure out how to answer your most important request.

Probably.

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[purramedic]

Fair enough. You've never led me to my death before, so I will trust your kneecapping expertise.

[He's feeling a little better about their standing now, but there's still a permeating awkwardness about it. For the moment, he falls into silence.]

[otiosity]

See? Blind faith gets you everywhere.

[Hawke itches her nose idly feeling the awkwardness in the air but not really able to understand why it's awkward. He knows her. He doesn't think she ought to have a dick.

But something is... off.]

[purramedic]

[Anders could leave well enough alone and find someone else to bother, but that wouldn't be like him at all, would it?]

So... What did you do on the ship? Before... you know.

[otiosity]

Drank.

Napped.

Sometimes did my job. I'm head of security on the Moira. Very important. Messed around with Nate and Tony. ...And not like how you're thinking. Our friendship is very chaste.

[purramedic]

Ah. Well... Thank you for the clarification. [Nonetheless, he makes a note to meet these "Nate" and "Tony" characters. Not to be overbearing, of course! It's just good to know his friends' circles.]

I can't say I'm surprised. I'll bet you stabbed something rather fierce to earn that rank.

[otiosity]

Oh no. Tony and I just invented the position so I could have a nap whenever I wanted. And then the captain's decided to take our joke seriously.

[They're expert shitposters.]

And don't worry. I can always keep you privy to details of my exciting sex life.

[purramedic]

That... is no less shocking, actually. [He's sure she does her job when she has to. Hawke likes to act indifferent, but as far as Anders is concerned, she's notoriously bad at staying on the sidelines when push comes to shove.]

Uh... your what? [Does he look vaguely offended by that? Oops.]

[otiosity]

Oh good. I always like to do exactly what people expect of me. No surprises.

[Then she shoots him a curious look. Anders had always been infamously into sex as she was and they used to joke about it at times.]

Sex life. You know that thing that's supposed to be private and yet you all end up hearing about anyway?

[purramedic]

[She could be playing dumb, but it doesn't really strike him as such. His expression gives way to confusion, brows furrowed and lips pursed, and eventually his ears take on a reddish tinge.

He may or may not have made a rather large(ly mistaken) assumption.]

N... no, thank you. Perhaps later. I'd rather hear about, ah... [Well, shit. How does he even gauge this kind of thing.]

When you came from, how are Bethany and your mother?

[otiosity]

[Hawke stares at him, all the blood in her body having gone cold. She feels numb and like her stomach just twisted itself into a knot.

Anders was passionate. And rude. And he liked picking fights and insulting people he disagreed with. He was blind to much of this. But Hawke had never taken him to someone who was deliberately cruel. She continues to stare at him for a few moments with dark eyes, like someone snuffed the light right out of her.]

...Dead. Same as always.

[purramedic]

[He doesn't know what he expected, but it wasn't for her to be this upset. It's fairly alarming to him as well, enough that he stumbles over an apology.]

I didn't mean to -- I'm just trying to get my bearings. I'm sorry.

What happened to her? [Leandra's fate is obvious enough to him, but Bethany is another story.]

[otiosity]

[It's too late. Hawke is a wounded animal and prepared to claw and bite her way to escape if he corners her. She takes a step back and shakes her head, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. She wants to run. But because Anders is her friend she tries to force herself to have as much of this conversation as she can. Which is truthfully very little.]

You don't even know her. She... she never made to Kirkwall. The story is short.

[purramedic]

What are you talking about? She's a mage, trained by your father. A very sweet girl, always considerate of others. [At this point, the only person in their ragtag little band that has only ever had kind words for him. Of course he knows Bethany.

But worry and confusion take a hold of him, and he rubs at his jaw in an effort to busy his hand, distinctly feeling that it would be inappropriate to reach for Hawke to comfort her over this bizarre line of questioning.]

Hawke?

[otiosity]

[It's good he doesn't reach out to her. She'd probably have pulled away and then every thing would have been just a bit worse. Hawke just keeps shaking her head like she can't believe what she's hearing.

That's Bethany. And she's never told him enough for him to make that up. Anders knows Bethany.

Why is the idea that she could be alive so much harder to grasp than there's a male version of her walking around.]

It just seems like a dream. That she could be...

[purramedic]

[Clearly this isn't going anywhere productive. They both may be far more confused than before, but at least that's obvious.]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. [It's no small feat to get Hawke so worked up, and he feels terrible for being responsible. He's awfully worried about her, but at the same time, he knows she might not appreciate someone witnessing her distress, even him -- if that actually means much. He's starting to doubt it.]

Do you want me to go?

[otiosity]

No.

[Anders is worried. She can see it in his face. He hadn't looked like that since she stumbled into his clinic with a horrific case of pneumonia after her mother died. She didn't like it. Hawke liked Anders best when he was being sarcastic and witty.

Hawke clears her throat and tries to make her voice sound as calm as possible and pull a smile back on her face but it's crooked.]

How is she? Is she happy does she... does she like Kirkwall? What else is different? Not that... you know what's the same either...

[purramedic]

[He's glad to humor her, even if her attempt at positivity is clearly an act. At least he can pretend, too, that he's helping fix what he messed up in the first place.]

Well... Everyone gets along with her. Even Fenris -- better than with other mages, anyway. She was excited to move into your family's estate... [His frown deepens and his gaze falls for a moment. It was a pleasure having her around those first few months, but...] By the time we got back from the Deep Roads, she'd been tracked down by the templars. They took her to the Circle.

They let the two of you write to one another, but I haven't seen her since. [There's more concern etched in familiar but not quite so deep worry lines on his younger face. She may be compliant and eager to please, but as far as Anders cares, the templars of the Gallows would look for any excuse to hurt their charges.]

[otiosity]

[At first the smile on Hawke's face is real. She can't help it. Everything is exactly how she would have imagined it with Bethany there. Everyone would adore her. Even Fenris would have been charmed by her beautiful heart.

But then it slides off her face, wiped away by mention of her fate. If Hawke had her magic, something would have probably exploded into flames by now. Her fingernails dig into her palm as she tries to control herself until she gives up and violently kicks at a poor dried out tree stump.]

For Andraste's fucking sake! Is she never allowed to be happy? Does she never get to enjoy the life she deserves?

[purramedic]

[As much as it hurts him to see Hawke upset about this all over again, he knows soft words aren't generally comforting to her. As long as she doesn't injure herself in her grief, he'll keep his distance.

He does, however, harden his expression and cross his arms.]

We'll get her out, one way or another. I won't let you lose her to them forever.

[otiosity]

How? She's there. We're here! I'll still...

[Never see her again. Hawke's expression is angry. And she's unfairly directing that anger at Anders when really she's simply furious at the world for putting this on her. She wasn't one for self-pity but this seemed to be going a little far.

Her body ached and her mouth has gone dry. She hunches over to rest her hands on her thighs.]

And to top it all off I think I'm going to vomit. This is good.

[purramedic]

[If Hawke is angry with him, Anders doesn't notice, or perhaps doesn't care. It's perfectly understandable to be upset about the entire situation, but he doesn't let it faze him.]

They're trying to send us back, aren't they? It's only a matter of time. She will be freed.

[His brows knit in concern, and his voice softens.]

You should lie down. Do you have any water?

[otiosity]

[Hawke just makes a deeply annoyed noise from her hunched over position.]

No. Just... going to stand right here. And hope I don't vomit in front of you after seeing you for the first time in months because that's just not even fair. I deserve my dignity. And that includes not puking as a greeting.

[He's sort of her doctor so he's certainly seen her puke before but... it's the principle of the thing!]

[purramedic]

[His arms cross over his chest, and though he's a bit frustrated with her stubbornness as usual, he doesn't think it wise to crowd her.]

Do you honestly think I would think you undignified for being sick? What matters here is your health, not your pride, though I am trying to spare both if you'd let me.

[otiosity]

No, I'm begging for my dignity on my hands and knees in front of the Maker. ...Metaphorically.

[It's one of those funny moments where she feels sick to her stomach and like the air around her is thin. She tries to breath but it doesn't do anything to relief her desperation for air.

There's an in Anders, if you wish to take it.]

[purramedic]

Hawke, please. We can get you to medical at the very least. I'm sure they'd have something for it. [They'd better, given how useless he is at the moment. They had to have survived this long somehow.

If Hawke is going to be stubborn about it, he will chance stepping beside her and resting a hand lightly on her shoulder as a feeble attempt at encouragement.]